Finally! My pregnancy ?'s are answered.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35? 
A: No, 35 children is enough. 

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? 
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. 

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? 
A: Childbirth. 

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. 
A: So what's your question? 

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? 
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. 

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? 
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. 

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? 
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you. 

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? 
A: Yes, pregnancy. 

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower? 
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. 

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? 
A: When the kids are in college.